You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
