I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
