i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
