You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
