Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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