all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
