remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
