I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
