I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize