I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just threw up on my dentist
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
