I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
