dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
