I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
