A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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