my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
