so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
