I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize