Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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