Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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