But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
