then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
