i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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