also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
