Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
