She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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