You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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