My nipple is on Facebook.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
