so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
