don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
