brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
