remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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