im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
