This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
