2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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