masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
