Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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