plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
