There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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