I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
