You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
