Pappa wants mamma naked
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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