i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
tell me about the eggs
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
