did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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