I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
