I will die if light touches me.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
