How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
