that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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