All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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