It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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