she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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