I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
