The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
