I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
