My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
