If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
