i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
