Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
