there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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