don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
