Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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