Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
