I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
