how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
