She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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