I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
