I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
