so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
