Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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