I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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