just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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