the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so let's talk penis.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
