dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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