how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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