So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
