i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
