Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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