just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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